


Here is My Destination

by whitenoisce



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Character Study, Fluff, M/M, Non AU, Pre-Military, Smut, Top Do Kyungsoo | D.O, a 5+1 fic format except there's no +1 so it's jus 5, jongin centric, oof, pathetic excuse for, quick mafs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-29
Updated: 2019-06-29
Packaged: 2020-05-16 01:09:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19307569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whitenoisce/pseuds/whitenoisce
Summary: The five times Jongin waited for Kyungsoo and the- no, there is no catch.





	Here is My Destination

1. 

Jongin sighed for what must’ve been the third time in the last minute as he toed his shoes off by the restaurant’s wooden doors. He frowns at the pilling on his socks, making a mental note to buy new ones now that he can afford to be in family restaurants more often. It’s no fine dining, but it’s definitely an upgrade from a diet of _shin ramyeon_ and the occasional streetside rice cake. The thought of it brings about a wave of excitement over his body. _If I work hard, I’ll be able to eat well for a long time_ , he thinks with an upturn of his lips. With the smell and the promise of sizzling beef clouding his brain, he almost misses a faraway _‘Jongin!’_. He whips his head to the source of the sound, which turned out to be Junmyeon calling him over to a corner of the restaurant. Realizing he hasn’t moved an inch from his battered Vans, he jogs up to where the three other boys have found refuge on floor.

 

Junmyeon and Chanyeol have taken to checking out the menu side by side, contemplating family meal sets, which leaves Jongin with no other choice but to sit next to Kyungsoo. The said man was staring up at him from the floor with narrowed eyes and furrowed brows that almost said _square up!!!!_ , and with a tight smile Jongin reluctantly plopped himself down on the last available seat. Making another sticky note in his head to get first dibs on table arrangements the next time they eat out.

 

It’s not like he hates the man. Well no, okay he kind of does. But who wouldn’t? Every single time he’s encountered Kyungsoo, the latter would always stare him down as if Jongin would disappear if he glared hard enough. At first Jongin thought he just had something stuck on his face, but the next meeting was no better and this time he was absolutely sure he checked himself for any choco pie crumbs beforehand. Because of this, he tried his best to avoid any conversation with the elder for fear of confrontation. Despite his impressive agility, he really wouldn’t know what to do if Kyungsoo decides that Jongin’s face would make a great punching bag. This elusive tactic has worked well for his sanity so far, until tonight.

 

Junmyeon hyung had promised to treat him good food last week, and Jongin thought it would be best to cash in the promise after a hectic day of costume changes, bright lights, and translucent powder for their debut photoshoot. The duo had just decided on the newly opened barbecue place nearby when Chanyeol ran up from whence they came, Kyungsoo trailing behind quietly. Despite his silent objections, Junmyeon hyung (who was paying his share, mind you) thought Chanyeol’s idea of eating together had been the single greatest thing since sliced bread. Kyungsoo didn’t voice out a rejection either, and this is how Jongin found himself burdened with glorious purpose.

 

 _For the beef_ , he thought to himself with a sigh just as Chanyeol flagged down a diligent staff member to order ‘Family Set C with _kalguksu_ to share please!’

 

Most of his little musings got swept away along with the smoke of the grill soon after the first of the platters arrived. He only had half a mind to wonder why the man beside him sniffed at the sauces before he found that he couldn’t really care less and started dumping meat onto fresh lettuce. It seems he wasn’t the only person caught up in a hanwoo and gochujang induced high. The rest of the table was uncharacteristically silent for a few minutes save for the sizzle of the grill, the crunch of fresh greens, and the occasional moan of appreciation. The boys didn’t realize just how hungry they were until they were staring at two empty plates where slices of raw meat used to be not even ten minutes ago.

 

Conversation finally trickled in after that, ebbing and flowing naturally with Chanyeol mostly making jokes about how he can’t take his assigned superpower seriously. Despite this, he wiggles his fingers by the grill just as Kyungsoo lays down a new slab of pork. The meat hits with a crispy sizzle, and Chanyeol’s finger wiggling intensifies with a constipated look that sends the entire table laughing into next Friday. Junmyeon nearly chokes on his lettuce wrap, helplessly flailing his arms to cop a glass of water. This is when Jongin’s ears perked up at an unfamiliar sound, looking left to see Kyungsoo as he’s never seen him before. Eyes crinkled up into baby crescents, and lips forming into a shape Jongin was sure never existed until this moment. _Laughter looks good on him_ , a voice at the back of his head said, and there was probably more where that came from if Chanyeol hadn’t also choked on his own spit while laughing at the leader. With both members on the verge of dying because of technical difficulties, Jongin and Kyungsoo found themselves doubling over in laughter together on the other side of the table. Eyes meeting each other for the first time without a trace of animosity, just a shared pleasure borne out of another’s demise, especially if it involves Chanyeol.

 

The atmosphere completely changed after that, everyone talking more freely with each other after the casual brush with death. No biggie. Junmyeon served the noodle soup to everyone like a good hyung, taking care to put more noodles into Chanyeol’s bowl knowing it’s his favorite. The last platters from the meal set had arrived soon after, and the boys ate heartily until there was nothing left of anything and they had all wished they wore garterized pants instead of denims today.

 

“It’d be really great if our Baekhyun and Sehunnie were here with us,” Junmyeon said as his hands made a sloppy square signalling for the bill. The two other boys had gone ahead to the opposite direction, hoping to catch the bus before the rush hour kicked in. If Jongin hadn’t planned to eat out with his hyung today, he’d probably be hurrying alongside the two others as well. They all got caught during primetime once because they had horsed around after dance practice, and let’s just say getting sardined in a bus for half an hour once is one too many times in a lifetime. Jongin taps his phone to see the time, noting that he’d probably have to chill somewhere else and let the rush hour wane before making the trip back home.

 

“Yeah well I think if they knew dinner was free they’d have stayed behind,” Chanyeol quips with a grin, not missing the way the leader’s face morphs into a frown at the prospect of paying for Chanyeol and Kyungsoo’s share. From his periphery Jongin could see Kyungsoo shaking his head at Chanyeol’s attempts to get a free pass. Jongin was almost sure he heard him mutter a small ‘shameless giant’ before making grabby hands at the server coming with the bill, staring the paper down as he mentally splits the cost four ways.

 

“Hey man, it's just a bill. You’re boring a hole into it.” Jongin follows Chanyeol’s stare and sees a Kyungsoo reminiscent of their first meeting. Eyes intense, gaze unfaltering. He’s surprised the bill hasn’t caught on fire yet. The dancer feels his heart drop to his stomach, he had totally forgotten about this. In a span of a meal, the chilling image of Kyungsoo in his head had been replaced by twinkling eyes, a gummy smile, and the low rumble of his laughter. Had it just been a fluke? A one-off thing? Jongin watched as Kyungsoo moved his gaze from the bill, giving Chanyeol an unamused look.

 

“If you had eyes like mine, you’d be boring holes into anything you want a chance at seeing too you know,” Kyungsoo hands the bill to Junmyeon as he fishes out bills from the side of his bag. “I’m not even sure if I read that right, but here’s my share, I think.”

 

“You should really get lenses, you’re starting to scare the staff. I overheard them talking about it in the break room last week.”

 

“I know, but it’s uncomfortable though…”

 

Jongin sat there, taking in all the new information as he schooled his face into a look of nonchalance. Kyungsoo looked genuinely bothered about the issue, lips coming together in the slightest of pouts. So Kyungsoo wasn’t upset with him this entire time? He’s just-

 

“You’re blind as shit though,” Chanyeol said with a snort.

 

“Not blind enough to miss your eyeballs when I gouge them out!” Kyungsoo decides at this moment to pick up a chopstick in each hand and start poking at the taller from across the table. Chanyeol screams as he wiggles in an attempt to dodge the pointy metal. Junmyeon beside him, unbothered and whipping out a credit card.

 

“Hey! Stop it– ow! That hurts! Jongin-ah help –stop him!”

 

“Pass,” Jongin says with a small smile. He generally liked to think of himself as a kind man, and though the prospect of Chanyeol getting poked to his death was amusing enough to gamble his moral compass, there was nothing quite like the sight of Kyungsoo turning to look at him with a smile that looked like he had won the lottery. Because Jongin sided with him. Because of _Jongin_. Suddenly 17 years of Jongin’s principles were thrown out the window, and whatever would make Kyungsoo smile like that would be the new law, even if it meant murdering Chanyeol via chopsticks.

 

The taller of the three finally got a breather after Junmyeon settled the bill and plucked the chopsticks off of Kyungsoo’s hands. They all stood to leave, but not without Chanyeol paying what he owes the leader for fear of another round of poking courtesy of Kyungsoo.

 

With Chanyeol and Junmyeon already walking away from the restaurant, Jongin was hurrying to slip on his shoes when he realized Kyungsoo wasn’t nearby. He craned his neck to survey the area and his eyes zero in on a small figure talking animatedly with a middle aged lady from behind the counter, who he can only assume to be the owner of the restaurant. Jongin couldn’t hear what they were talking about from where he stood, but Kyungsoo was smiling and bowing repeatedly to the lady who looked like he wanted to keep the smaller boy in her apron pocket. _Same, same,_  he subconsciously thought. The next thing Jongin knew, Kyungsoo had already caught up to him and was slipping on his own shoes.

 

“Hey thanks for waiting for me, you didn’t have to.”

 

“It’s nothing,” Jongin says with a small smile as he opened the door for both of them. Never in a million years did he think that being with Kyungsoo would feel anything but terrifying, but what do you know? Here he was, two hours after telling Junmyeon he didn’t want to eat with Kyungsoo, willingly waiting and opening the door for said man.

 

The cool air that greets them is refreshing after being cooped up in a stuffy meat house for a while. The two others hadn’t even noticed that Jongin and Kyungsoo were missing and had already walked a few meters east to where they lived. Kyungsoo walks to follow Junmyeon and Chanyeol when he notices Jongin rooted a few steps behind him.

 

“Hey, you coming?”

 

“Ah no, I go the other way,” Jongin points back before rubbing the back of his neck, unsure how to say goodbye. Calling out to everyone would be weird, and just leaving would be rude. “You can go ahead, just tell them I said bye.”

 

Kyungsoo watches him pensively for a couple of seconds, and turns to look where their other friends have gone. They haven’t noticed that they weren’t being followed, still. Kyungsoo supposes it wouldn’t hurt to leave them in their bubble for a little while longer. With his mind made up, Kyungsoo walks to the direction of Jongin’s bus stop, the latter sputtering in confusion.

 

Kyungsoo looked back to where Jongin stood rooted, “Let’s go. I’ll walk you to your station.”

 

Before Jongin could even say anything, Kyungsoo had already grabbed his wrist and pulled him over. “They're big boys, I'm sure they can go home alone for once,” the elder said with a grin, and started walking Jongin’s route alongside him.

 

That night, Jongin learned that Kyungsoo has an older brother, that he never liked school, and that he would like to sing for the rest of his life. He also learned that the elder was nervous for their upcoming debut, and hopes they all do well enough to warrant another album.

 

The sight of Kyungsoo waving at him from the bus stop with a smile was the last thing Jongin saw before the bus hurled itself at breakneck speeds to the direction of his house. _If I were to die tonight_ , Jongin thought, _I would have lived a good life._

 

  
2.

There’s never truly a lack of job opportunities in Seoul. College students who need the extra cash can easily spend their free time serving up caramel macchiatos in a nearby cafe or wiping tables in a local food joint. The time is flexible, half the managers are young, and the pay is surprisingly good. Enough money to afford iced americanos in time for your 8am major, but probably not enough to send your younger sibling to school if you’re a character in a primetime SBS drama. It really isn’t a bad life to live once you’re hired full time. The economy boomed after the war some half a decade ago, and has been on a continuous incline since then. Because of whatever miracle transpired within the depths of the Han River, even small shop fronts are able to give pay that would feed a family. Even more so once you rise up the ranks. Head Barista. Assistant Manager. Eventually, Manager. But how high can you go in a little coffee shop?

 

Jongin used to think the stars were really pretty, but was too high up to try to reach. In school they would incessantly repeat the three letter S, K, Y, as the gold standard for anyone who wanted to be anyone. But at what cost? His friends slaved over after-school tutorial centers and would show up the next morning devoid of any sign of life. His dancing buddies quit ballet halfway through middle school. An upperclassman’s seat was suddenly covered with white roses one day.

 

 _This is fine_ , Jongin said to himself, like the meme of the dog in a burning room. He’d just wait tables when he’s old enough to afford his own ballet classes. He’d maybe get a job at the studio and spend the rest of his life teaching youngins how not to faceplant on glossy plywood. _This is fine._

 

But he knew it wasn’t really fine. Deep inside Jongin knew he wasn’t meant to be stuck in his hometown, as beautiful and green and luscious as it was. He wasn’t supposed to teach in a small studio three blocks away from where he lived, where kids only came to pass the summer and never return. He realized this somewhere between playing Pokemon on his Nintendo and the CSAT, but it was too late to go back on his word. Any chance at getting into a university that would give him the life he wanted is nil this far into the game.

 

Seoul Olympic Stadium. Bright lights, bass thrumming under his feet, people screaming his name.

_Kim Jongin! Kim Jongin!_

He waits to be catapulted into the air. The first hum of the opening track spilling through his earpiece. 

The light hits, and – 

The arena explodes. He's up in the sky, and looks around. 

 _Wow,_ _there are so many stars._

This is what he wanted.

 

And so when Korea decided that for its final trick, it would turn country bumpkins into glitterized exports who sang, danced, and acted on command, Jongin didn’t hesitate to camp his ass outside the audition venue before the sun rose for the chance of a lifetime.

 

Five years after walking into the audition room, he debuted. Nearly a year into the game, he thinks he made it. After a debut that had nearly gone to shit, Jongin didn’t really expect to last in the industry. But Growl had been a great success, topping charts left and right, being declared song of the year, winning multiple awards, many of which are EXO’s firsts, hopefully not the last.

 

Jongin thinks back to his old classmates who had vied for SKY universities. Are they happy now? Did they turn out to be people they were proud of? Jongin wished them well in his head, sent them love and light, and dropped it right as he entered his room to prepare for dinner out. To celebrate the official end of promotions for the year, the group had planned to eat out with their managers and stylist noonas, frankly the first time they’re going out in public as regular people since August. Not much has changed for Jongin in the last two years, the promise of good meat still making him giddy.

 

The little smile that has wormed its way up to Jongin’s lips drop, noticing something different in the room. He looks around, all glass intact, the walls were still blue, and his stuffed bear hasn’t been mauled. _Great, but what’s that?_

 

Jongin inches towards the only other twin bed in the room, devoid of its usual pristine sheets, and in its place was a human sized mound of blankets. Unmoving in the cold silence. The dancer tenses and breaks out into cold sweat, throat halfway between a scream and a whimper. He knew he should have agreed to watch zombie apocalypse movies with Sehun last week, now he’s going to die a defenseless death by the hands of whatever had been hiding in Kyungsoo’s sheets.

 

Kyungsoo. _Kyungsoo!_

 

Right as Jongin decided to reach out, the mound sneezes, the squeak muffled into the winter comforter. Said mound wiggles, as if sensing the presence in the room, before a pair of eyes peeks out from its underbelly.

 

“Jongin-ah. You’re back,” a voice croaks, throat dry from hours of unuse.

 

Something at the back of Jongin’s head slaps himself for even thinking it was the undead coming to haunt him, but in his defense, he has never seen Kyungsoo in this kind of distress. EXO has had their fair share of injuries and sick days in the last two years. But even the most well-oiled machines can break down when pushed to their limits, and in this industry, the limit is the standard. Jongin himself, alongside many of the younger members frequently found themselves on wheelchairs as they try to dance with bones that have yet to develop into full-fledged adult bodies. Baekhyun and Chanyeol would frequently suffer from allergic rhinitis, but everyone else never seem to get majorly sick. Junmyeon gets his daily vitamins sent to him monthly from America, Jongdae and Umin are all about that kombucha life, then there’s Kyungsoo. Nothing ever bothers Kyungsoo.

 

Jongin is snapped out of his reverie when Kyungsoo sneezes again, the sound sharper without the covers. The latter managed to sit up, the blanket draped on a messy mop of cherry red hair and tightly wound around his torso, making him look like the Baby Alive doll from Jongin’s Cartoon Network nightmares, except cuter. Much cuter.

 

“Hyung, are you okay?” Jongin sits himself at the edge of the bed, feeling the mattress dip at the weight.

 

“No, I’d rather be dead thanks.”

 

Jongin snorts, raising the back of his hand to Kyungsoo’s forehead and nearly retracting at the burn.  

 

“Hey, I’m pretty sure the human body isn’t allowed to be this hot on a winter’s day.”

 

“Well tough luck. I am the law, Jongin. Leave me alone,” Kyungsoo says with a glare, before cocooning himself back into the mound he once was with a huff. Jongin rolls his eyes. For someone so level headed and responsible, Kyungsoo can get really stubborn.

 

“And I am your people, your highness,” Jongin yanks the blanket out of the elder’s grasp, smiling bright knowing he won a point in the universal tally of good retorts. “And the people protect the law. So tell me, have you taken meds?”

 

“I’m pretty sure the government protects the law, but no.” Kyungsoo sighs as he stares up the ceiling. “I’ve been stuck here all day.”

 

A beat passes before Jongin stands, brushing off imaginary dust from his pants. “I’m going to get you meds, hyung. I’ll be right back.” Kyungsoo curiously stares at the younger’s back as he walks away. “You don’t even know where they are,” he retorts.

 

Jongin stops dead in his tracks, a big red exclamation point bouncing off the one single brain cell he has left like a side quest in a video game. He slowly turns, eyes narrowing at the smug but visibly fatigued figure on the bed. Kyungsoo’s eyes sparkled, the last of the daylight bouncing off his irises spelling out _Kyungsoo - 1, Jongin - 0._

 

“I- I know where they are!” Jongin’s ears redden at his admittedly lame attempt at a comeback. It’s not his fault he’s never had to look for paracetamol before. He hasn’t ever seen Kyungsoo come down with anything that requires it! And when Chanyeol or Baekhyun gets the fever, he’s never had to be the one responsible for making sure the beagles don’t die.

 

“Alright then, I trust you know they’re in the second drawer by the sink.”

 

Jongin turns to turn the knob, “Yeah I got it.”

 

“Ddaeng!~ They’re actually by the console table!”

 

_Damn._

 

Before Jongin could turn around in betrayal, Kyungsoo had already faced the other wall, draping the white blanket over his body. Pinks and purples dancing on his cheek as the sun goes down, red hair a stark contrast to the bone pillows. _Kyungsoo looks peaceful like this_ , Jongin thinks to himself as the furrowing of his brows smoothen out. He hopes his hyung would always look like this, but maybe less sick.

 

He turns to leave the room, and picks up a glass of warm water before heading straight to the console table drawers.

 

When he returns, the room has been enveloped in a cool blue. Kyungsoo has fallen into a light sleep, as if he hadn’t just messed with Jongin’s head five minutes ago. Funny how much things can change when you’re not looking. Jongin swore he made sure savor every feeling since starting on this journey, but even then he hasn’t a single idea where the years have gone by. He always thinks about what he would be doing if he hadn’t auditioned, but nothing ever comes. It’s always just a blank.

 

“Hyung,” he taps Kyungsoo gently on the shoulder. “Drink up.”

 

Kyungsoo cracks his eyes open, a smidge of annoyance evident on his face at being woken up. “I just wanted to die in peace, why must you come?” He bites back but pops the white pill into his mouth as Jongin raises the glass to his lips.

 

A rapping at the door makes the two boys look over to find Junmyeon’s head popping into the room, all dressed up and ready to go.

 

“You guys ready? We’re about to leave.”

 

Kyungsoo takes the glass suspended in the air by the younger’s hands and places it on the bed side table.

 

“You guys have fun. Your hoodie’s in the dryer,” Kyungsoo says with a soft smile. He’s gonna have to miss out on really good food today, but his body wouldn’t allow him movements greater than a gulp and a glare without creaking in pain. He’s lucky his body decided to give up after all the schedules were over. It would be a pain to eureurong continuously with 70 year old joints.

 

“Did you just wake up?” Junmyeon asks as he enters the room, eyes zeroing in on the box of paracetamol by the bed. “Oh god what happened to you?”

 

“It’s just a fever, I’ll be fine hyung,” Kyungsoo brushes off, stress levels rising due to the number of people he seems to be worrying. “I’m about to conk out because of the meds, so you guys should go. It’s nearly dinnertime.”

 

“Do you want anything? Noodles? Chinese?”

 

“I’d looove a ripe Chinese sacrifice, thank you for asking.”

 

Jongin chokes on nothing, incredulous at Kyungsoo’s audacity to joke around despite being on the verge of passing out. Lips pale and eyes sunken. _The nerve of this hyung._ How was he supposed to leave this man to rot?

 

“Yah stop joking around, you’re about to cease to exist. What do you want? I’ll buy it for you,” Jongin looks like he was about to personally serve death on a silver platter if Kyungsoo dares to crack another joke, so the elder decided on black bean noodles and tried to shoo the boys away.

 

Some commotion was happening a couple doors down concerning missing snapbacks, and so Junmyeon decided to tend to the issue, leaving the two alone in their room.

 

“You sure you’ll be okay here? You might slip and die,” Jongin half joked, having full trust in the elder but having no trust on slippery tile floors. Kyungsoo snorts in response, “Bold of you to assume I’ll be moving from this bed. I’ve dug a very comfortable me shaped hole into this mattress and I’m not leaving any time soon.”

 

The look on Jongin’s face is unfamiliar to Kyungsoo, but he decides it’s not a face he likes seeing. Worry makes the 19 year old look older than he was, no matter how beautiful Kyungsoo thinks Jongin is. “I’ll be fine, I promise,” Kyungsoo said, voice softer in hopes to get the message through the dancer’s thick skull. “I’ll call you if I need anything, so eat enough for two people, hm?”

 

“Hyung’s already waiting downstairs!” Jongdae screams from the front door. A chorus of _yes!_ and _coming!_ follows. Footsteps running through the dorm, not wanting to keep the manager (and the meat) waiting. Jongin reluctantly rises, but eventually says goodbye to Kyungsoo. Ruffling his hair much to the latter’s chagrin.

 

“Bye hyung, see you later!”

 

-

 

The restaurant that was rented out for the night wasn’t too far from the dorms, certainly walkable. But as was customary now that they’re ‘super stars,’ the members had to use official vans to avoid any untoward incidents or civilian uproars. You’d be surprised at the amount of motor accidents caused by Jun Jihyun’s face on a billboard many years ago, what more EXO in the flesh?

 

Jongin watched the outside world through the windows, the speed of the car melding neon lights and storefront signs together into a visual cacophony. He spots a small noodle shop in the mess of lights, and his mind darts back to how Kyungsoo’s lips formed the words _Ja_ . _Jang_ . _Myeon_. before the store melts into a swirl of colors as they zoomed past.

 

By the time they reach the restaurant, the entire van is buzzing in anticipation of a good meal. But Jongin’s mind is set. He puts on a mask and covers his head with the hood, basking in the familiar smell. He says a quick goodbye to Junmyeon hyung who he trusts to piece this and that together. And sets off to the nondescript mom and pop store preparing to close for the night. He orders the last two servings of _jajangmyeon_ and bids the old grandpa goodbye with a spring in his step.

 

He figures there’s a reason why it’s always just blank when he tries to imagine what life would be like had he not auditioned. That’s because right here is where he’s meant to be, walking in the cold December air holding two boxes of takeaway in his hands, bound for the dorms where Kyungsoo waits.

 

His future has never been brighter.

 

  
3. 

Jongin feels he is drowning.

 

In the time it takes for the last syllable to leave your lips, the proverbial countdown in your head starts. The average man can hold his breath for a minute – sixty full seconds. In this short span of time the human brain remains fully conscious, but is overcome with a specific brand of dark, damp panic. Arms flail in an attempt to keep afloat, but all for naught as legs become heavy, hard as stone, unmoving, dragging the person down into the depths of the water. Then there is only ice.

 

_45 seconds._

 

The mind goes into autopilot, closing all exits like an emergency lockdown, desperate not to breathe. Heavy steel doors descend with a thud, and you pray with your single bated breath that you have done enough goodwill in this world to warrant a little more time.

 

_35 seconds._

 

You hope for anything to come find you. A lifeguard, a sailor, a whale to ingest you before it goes dark, an apparition, anything.

 

Time ticks away – _25 seconds,_ and a natural progression follows. First the burning of the lungs, what life left in your body screaming at the surplus of carbon dioxide in the system, poisoning itself right in the bloodstream. Sight goes next, a vignette that dots around the edges, creeping inwards like ink on paper. Right before it turns black, a film reel loads itself.

 

_15 seconds._

 

A baby crying in the hospital room. The soft thud of pointe shoes on the hardwood floor. Commencement exercises. Clouds on a sky blue tarpaulin. A bus stop. The most gorgeous heart shaped smile. A showcase. Sparkly blazers. Cornrows. Confetti, and a crying leader.

 

_5 seconds._

 

Fire alarms ring in your head, the brain realizing its mistake. Holding your breath will kill you, but breathing in might not. You have nothing to lose. All the floodgates open and water enters your lungs in waves. _I lived a good life._ You close your eyes with a smile, waiting patiently for the sweet release of death.

 

But it never comes.

 

You open your eyes, expecting the burn of the sea but there is only light. Water drains from your lungs and there is so much air. So much air. Around you waves crash into concrete from all sides until there is nothing left. All the water had gone, leaving you with only the feeling of hot sand between your toes.

 

All glass intact, the walls were still blue.

 

“I- what?” You hear yourself ask, voice garbled as if still underwater. In front of you are strong familiar brows framing wide eyes. Cheeks pink, lips turned up in a shy smile.

 

“I like you too, Jongin-ah.”

 

The bubble pops, there is no sand between your toes.

 

The average man can hold his breath for a minute – sixty full seconds, but Jongin doesn’t think drowning is all that bad.

 

4.

Jongin has always thought of him and Kyungsoo as complementary others. Kyungsoo is the still waters to Jongin’s constant motion, the low chuckle to Jongin’s high pitched laughter. The perfect milky complexion to Jongin’s golden caramel. Even their jersey numbers complete a perfect hundred.  

 

Together they’re a steady push and pull in a group of loud and buzzing buffoons. Their family of nine is filled with moodmakers who live to see all the members smile, and for this Jongin will always be grateful. But on bad days, long flights, scandal outbreaks – nine different personalities can be too much. In times like these, it’s always Kyungsoo he can trust to be his rock. Jongin would lean his forehead on whichever part of Kyungsoo he hits with his eyes closed, or hold on to his waist for a sense of stability. His hyung would let him do as he pleases, sometimes humming a gentle tune that Jongin would feel in his bones. For him, Kyungsoo will never be too much. And at night he thanks all his past selves for all the good they have done for him to deserve someone as kind a soul as Kyungsoo. 

 

What a beauty he was, too. To Jongin, Kyungsoo had already been a sight to behold as a teenager. His small frame and cute height complementing each other, never ungraceful with too much limb like many of them. He had big doe eyes, full brows, and lips that turned into hearts when he smiled. People called him cute and had always wanted to protect him. But in a blink of an eye, Do Kyungsoo grew out of that stereotype, no longer the bottom end of all the fanservice ships in perverse fujoshi minds. In the years following Overdose promotions, Kyungsoo has done nothing but fill out into one hell of a man. His small frame replaced by solid arms, a strong back, and a perfect ass. One that Jongin doesn’t mind ogling every chance he gets. 

 

Despite the suggestive fan service they put out, Jongin and Kyungsoo agreed to take things slow. Relationships fail half the time because people get caught up in the excitement of things and rush into a burnout. What with an invasive entertainment industry too, most celebrity relationships never make it past the headline publishing date. 

 

And this is how Jongin finds himself throwing a fit in his room, jumping on the mattress and nearly ripping his hair out in frustration. _It’s fine,_ he tells himself. _It’sfineit’sfineit’sfineit’sfine._

 

It’s been nine months since he and Kyungsoo had gotten together, and sure they’ve done some stuff. The first kiss came soon after the flood, and not long after Jongin would find himself pushed through the doors of an unused practice room by an eager Kyungsoo. Breath hot and heavy, they’d have just enough time for the heat of arousal to pool itself on Jongin’s belly as he lets out a wanton moan – as loud as he can afford in the building, before an alarm reverberates from the other room signalling the end of break. 

 

It gnawed on Jongin’s nerves that Kyungsoo always looked calm and collected right after, as if he wasn’t just sticking his tongue down the younger’s throat moments before. What fiery gaze Kyungsoo had on during their hot make out session would be gone, and was blinked into a look of cool nonchalance. Jongin wishes he’d look the same, but the person looking back at him in the mirror before the beat kicks in looked absolutely wrecked. Lips swollen, hair sticking out in places, and eyes a little crazy. 

 

It would continue like this, a constant pushing into empty rooms, handjobs in dark places, but nothing more. Every time, Kyungsoo would come out of their escapades looking unbothered, like he could definitely wait a couple weeks more before the next orgasm. It messes with Jongin’s head, and takes every ounce of willpower in his body not to jump the older in public. He’d move his body in ways that would make their concerts rated, and relish in the power of seeing Kyungsoo come undone. He wants Kyungsoo to want him so much it hurts, he wants to see the crazy in his eyes, heavy breaths, panting, begging. ‘ _P-please, Jongin-ah. I.. I’ll do anything.’_

 

Jongin snaps out of his reverie, shaking his head as he slaps his face a couple of times. He feels guilty. Maybe this is Kyungsoo wanting to take it slow. Maybe his virgin ass is getting tired of just fingers and is starting to get dick crazy. Never in a million years would he want to rush Kyungsoo into anything, but the crazy is getting into his head, seeping into all the wholesome things that used to be enough to keep his boner at bay.

 

Everywhere he looks, there’s a trace of Kyungsoo. 

 

_Kyungsoo and his big arms, strong enough to lift me against the wall. His thick cock relentlessly snapping against the heat, fucking me into next Fri-_

 

“Fuuuuuuuck.” He’s hopeless. 

 

“Fuck what?” 

 

Jongin looks up to see the light of his life, fire of his loins, his sin, his soul, Do Kyungsoo in the flesh. He stares for a couple seconds before snapping his jaw shut for fear that he might actually blurt out _Me! Fuck me!_

 

“Nothing much.” Jongin feels his left eye twitch. 

 

Kyungsoo smiles at him fondly, definitely not buying it as he sits next to Jongin on the bed. He wraps his arms around the dancer’s waist, propping his chin on Jongin’s shoulder. From here he could feel how tense the younger was, muscles tight around his shoulders. 

 

“I didn’t know nothing much could make my boyfriend look like he’s about to commit murder.” 

 

“That’s honestly not such a bad idea.”

 

“Same, that’d be pretty hot.” 

 

Jongin lets out a bewildered breath and cranes his neck to where Kyungsoo remains propped onto his shoulder, eyes closed. His boyfriend’s side profile looks gorgeous. He doesn’t even have make up on but his skin is flawless, skin a little tan from playing a Joseon prince. 

 

“Pfft. Soo, are you okay? Is the sun getting to your head?” 

 

“I don’t know, Jongin. Are _you_ okay?” Kyungsoo’s eyes cracked open and untangles himself from Jongin’s body. He sits up and looks Jongin straight in the eyes, his own looking like pools of chocolate that has Jongin melting like putty. Kyungsoo is magnetic even in an old sweatshirt. Jongin bets he can command an entire army with sleep crusted eyes, just because he’s so powerful. Even then, all of his features are so graceful, from the shape of his eyes to the subtle slope of his nose. Kyungsoo looks at him with so much love, and Jongin nearly clutches his chest to stop his heart from beating so fast. Jongin would do anything for him, waiting is nothing. 

 

“I love you, hyung. You know that I love you the most right?” 

 

Kyungsoo smiles before a small giggle bubbles itself over his lips, eyes turning into happy crescents. “I love you too,” Kyungsoo says in a soft whisper as hands come up to caress Jongin’s face, leaning over to plant a soft kiss on the younger’s lips. After so many shared kisses, each and every one still sends fireworks up Kyungsoo’s spine. To him, Jongin is sunshine. A bright yellow light, soft, always warm. He’s never going to get tired of this. 

 

“I just want you to know that I’ll never do anything that you don’t want me to. If you’re uncomfortable, it’s fine with me Soo. I’ll wait.” Jongin looks so earnest, eyes shining in sincerity and...frustration? 

 

Suddenly, a record scratch. Time freezes in Kyungsoo’s head, and something clicks. _Ah._

 

“Jongin, listen to me.” 

 

“No, hyung it’s oka-”

 

“Do you wanna fuck?” 

 

Suddenly, a record scratch. Part two. The sequel to _Suddenly, a record scratch._ Jongin’s eyes bug out of their sockets, throat suddenly dry. _What the fuck,,,, is happening?_ The dancer sputters, the reds of his cheeks rising up to color the tips of his ears. He focuses his gaze on literally everything else in the room save for the man in front of him. _Wha-_

 

“The fUCK?!” Jongin literally looks like he’s about to combust, boring a hole into the carpeted floor. 

 

Kyungsoo nearly laughs, but is afraid Jongin would actually spontaneously set aflame. He wouldn’t know how to explain that to the managers. So he schools his face into a face of mild amusement, the tamest he could go considering the turn of events. 

 

“Is that what’s bugging you, Jongin-ah. Do you wanna have sex?” Kyungsoo scoots the remaining distance between them, taking Jongin’s hands into his own. 

 

“W-wait. Hold up. Are you fucking serious?” Jongin finally looks at him, expression both exasperated and bewildered. “You don’t mind? Wait. What?” 

 

Kyungsoo shoots him a small smile, leaning backwards onto the mattress on his elbows. “I’ve been thinking about it for a while now, but I’ve never gotten around to bringing it up.” 

 

“How long is a while, exactly?” 

 

“Couple months, maybe more. But the timing is always off, we were so busy. I barely even saw this room.” The older male sighs and averts his gaze to Jongin, whose eyes were now trained on him. “Besides, I got to see you everyday. It was more than enough for me.” 

 

“Fuck, okay that’s really sweet, what the fuck.” 

 

Kyungsoo lets out a full bodied laugh, shoulders shaking in both adoration and embarrassment. He rarely ever goes for the sweet route, but for Jongin, anything. The latter’s cheeks are tickled pink, a shy smile creeping itself up on his face. 

 

“I’m not exactly an expert on it either. I didn’t wanna bring it up and then be a bumbling mess when we do it.” Kyungsoo looked sheepish, almost embarrassed. Jongin thought it was the cutest thing he’s ever seen. 

 

“I haven’t tried it either but…” Jongin bites his lips, nervous. “We can figure it out together, if you want.” 

 

Kyungsoo pulls himself up from the bed, a smile gracing his lips. “I’d like that.” 

 

Soft lips press against Jongin’s, making his pulse thrum in excitement. It’s just a kiss, but Jongin can already feel himself weaken against Kyungsoo, whose hand trails from his face to the back of his neck pulling them closer. With his own arms finding refuge around Kyungsoo’s neck, Jongin’s tongue swipes at the older’s lips, deepening the kiss. The younger lets out a soft sigh; Kyungsoo is too good at this, knowing exactly when to push and pull, teasing Jongin till his eyes roll to the back of his head in pleasure. 

 

“Soo,” Jongin breathes out as he pulls the older down the soft covers, lips never parting. Kyungsoo straddles over Jongin’s hips, mouth trailing wet kisses down the dancer’s neck and sucking as Jongin lets out a whine. It takes so much from Kyungsoo not to rip all the layers between them at the sound of Jongin’s voice, asking for it. They’ve wanted this for so long, anticipation apparent in they way Jongin’s back arches, Kyungsoo’s hips grinding down to seek friction at long last. 

 

“F-fuck yes, hyung.” Arms wrapped around the older’s neck unravel to grip at the hem of his shirt, raising it to reveal Kyungsoo’s hard chest. Jongin has never been so turned on in his life, even more than watching fancams of Kyungsoo thrusting up on stage with a cane. That day was glorious, Jongin must’ve used an entire bottle of lube. 

 

At the cue, Kyungsoo sat back to rid himself of the offensive material, smirking at Jongin’s hungry gaze. He hops off the bed to shed the rest of his clothing as the younger followed suit, leaving both of them in their underwear. 

 

“How do you wanna do this?” Kyungsoo asks, palming at Jongin’s erection as the latter’s breath hitches at every stroke. “I want to ride you, please,” Jongin pants as he pushes Kyungsoo against the headboard, thighs spreading to lock the older down tight. 

 

Kyungsoo’s eyes darken at the view, of the mess he’s made of Jongin. The latter’s lips slightly parted, panting. Eyes a little wild, neck littered with marks he knows won’t disappear for days. Jongin’s gorgeous body, lithe and tight from all the years of dancing. 

 

Emboldened from Kyungsoo’s gaze, Jongin puts on a show. He runs his hands through his hair and rolls his body to a beat playing in his head, sinful like a fantasy come to life. He keeps his eyes hooded and trained on Kyungsoo, thanking his years of training for thighs strong enough to withstand the burn of dipping down to tease, and disappearing just as Kyungsoo bucks up, frustrated at the lack of Jongin. 

 

“Baby don’t do this to me,” Kyungsoo croaks out as he settles his hands on Jongin’s hips, preventing him to tease any further. “A man is only so strong.” 

 

Jongin grins as he hovers over Kyungsoo, slotting his face on the crook of the latter’s neck, ass high up in the air as he slides his boxers down to settle around his thighs. Jongin’s shallow breath runs a shiver up Kyungsoo’s spine, distracting him from a popping cap the younger procured out of nowhere. 

 

“I always think of you,” Jongin breathes out, voice barely audible as he reaches behind to insert a lubed finger through tight walls. “When it gets unbearable, I always imagine it’s you. Doing this to me. It’s always you,” he chokes out in frustration, adding another finger as he preps himself, impatient. 

 

“Jongin.” Kyungsoo’s voice low in warning, hands finding themselves grabbing Jongin’s ass. The younger whimpers at the sensation, upper body slacking onto Kyungsoo’s torso, cock rubbing deliciously against Kyungsoo’s. “Baby...”

 

“N-no!” Jongin inserts one more finger and chokes at the frustration. Practiced strokes tries to angle his fingers differently to no avail, no matter how he does it never feels right. “It’s always like this, it- it’s not enough. It’s not you.”

 

A growl escapes Kyungsoo’s lips as he yanks Jongin’s fingers and replaces them with his own, not missing the way Jongin’s breath hitches at the fullness. His fingers were long, but never as thick as Kyungsoo’s. 

 

The older’s three fingers breach the rim, and immediately flicks his wrist in a speed and precision that makes Jongin see stars. Jongin’s body slumps forward, eyes rolling backwards and skin burning from the pleasure. He’s own fingers have never felt like this, a moan ripping out of his throat at the thought of something bigger, thicker. 

 

“Kyungsoo, _p-please._ ” 

 

“Please what, Jongin-ah. What do you need?”

 

“I-I need you to fill me, to make the burning go away. P-please– ah… _please_."

 

“Holy _fuck_ , Jongin. Where do you learn these words?” Kyungsoo pulls his fingers out, making Jongin whine at the loss. He finds the bottle of lube and squirts a generous amount on his palm before slathering the clear substance on his dick. Jongin finds the strength to sit up as Kyungsoo finishes, reaching backwards to guide Kyungsoo’s length into him. He braces himself on the latter’s shoulders with Kyungsoo holding him steady by the waist, as he makes his descent. 

 

“ _Tight._ ” Kyungsoo grunts at the heat, never having experienced anything like it before. He closes his eyes and steadies his grip on Jongin’s waist, trying to will his cock to make this last longer. He figures his fingers are probably going to bruise on the younger’s skin tomorrow, but so will his shoulder at Jongin’s tight grip. 

 

“Oh god,” Jongin whimpers as he bottoms out, leaning his head on Kyungsoo’s shoulder as he gets used to the stretch. Kyungsoo takes to rubbing small soothing circles on Jongin’s back, and stroking his neglected cock to distract the younger from the pain. “I got you,” Kyungsoo croons behind Jongin’s ear, waiting for the man to get used to his size. 

 

Moments later, Jongin finally shifts in his seat, testing out the waters. He leans backwards, bracing himself on Kyungsoo’s knees as he rolls his hips experimentally, groaning at the feeling of a thick cock rubbing against his walls. 

 

Kyungsoo takes this as a green light, and bucks up against the younger in shallow thrusts. It makes a world of difference to Jongin who starts bouncing on his cock, moans escalating into higher octaves. _He would make a wonderful vocal_ , Kyungsoo thinks. 

 

“Kyungsoo, hyung. Y-you feel so good.” Jongin is babbling, eyes closed and brows furrowed. His dick slapping against his stomach to the beat of Kyungsoo’s thrust, lips having dried from his endless panting. Kyungsoo takes it upon himself to remedy that with a searing kiss, cupping Jongin’s face to swallow the rest of his moans. 

 

“Harder, hyung. F-fuck me harder.” Jongin’s thighs have started to give out, no longer able to match the intensity of the man underneath him. In a flash, Kyungsoo has them flipped over, Jongin’s legs automatically hooking themselves around Kyungsoo’s waist. He starts pistoning in and out of Jongin, who lets out a string of profanities as he gets nearer. 

 

“That’s it baby, scream for me,” Kyungsoo groans as he chases the stars behind his eyelids, thrusts slowly faltering with the last of his energy. Jongin sounds so beautiful like this, coming undone. His hand finds its way to the younger’s cock, but was slapped away by a flushed Jongin. 

 

“N-no, I wanna come like this.” 

 

“Fuck! You’re going to kill me.” Kyungsoo pounds into Jongin with a newfound vigor. He knows they’re both near, so he leans forward and captures Jongin’s lips in a kiss. 

 

“Come for me, Jongin.” And like clockwork, Jongin’s body tensed like a bow drawn tight, a distorted moan dying in his throat at the intensity of the orgasm. Kyungsoo follows after a couple more thrusts with Jongin’s name on his lips, slumping on Jongin who grunts at the weight. 

 

It takes a couple of seconds for Kyungsoo to recover and  roll off to the side, cock softening as he pulls out of Jongin. They both stared at the ceiling, catching their breath. 

 

“Wow.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“I can’t believe I missed out on months of that,” Kyungsoo said in a huff, arm blocking the bright white of the fluorescent. Jongin chuckled beside him, rolling closer to the older man. 

 

“I can’t believe I held out because I thought you weren’t ready.”

 

“That’s pretty sweet though, I love that,” Kyungsoo pulled Jongin closer, kissing his forehead as he wraps his arm around the younger’s wider frame. 

 

“I love _you_ ,” Jongin retorts with a childish grin. 

 

“You know I do too, baby.” 

 

“Guess we’re done with taking it slow?” 

 

“Yeah, it’s kinda highway to hell from here on out.” 

  
Jongin laughs on Kyungsoo’s chest, the full sound reverberating against Kyungsoo’s entirety. _This is fine_ , Jongin thinks. They need a shower but, _this is fine_. For real this time.  

 

 

5.

When Kyungsoo first told him, Jongin had been putting on a sheet mask as he prepared for bed. The words slipped out of the older’s mouth so casually that it took Jongin seconds before registering the sound, looking over to where Kyungsoo sat comfy on their bed scrolling through what must be recipes online. 

 

“Sorry, what?” 

 

“I’m thinking of enlisting early,” Kyungsoo repeated, not even lifting his head up from the phone as if talking about the weather. It was January, a strange month for Jongin. Schedules would always be sparse this time of year, the world still sleepy and forgiving following hectic Christmas festivities. Work has officially begun, but the momentum has yet to start, leaving the members in a strange limbo of half-work half-play that seems to push and pull until February hits and they’re all full-fledged slaves again.

 

Jongin watches his hyung intently from where he stood, the damp material clinging onto his face like a second skin.

 

He thinks this is exactly what a wild Kyungsoo would look like in his natural habitat. Dressed in a worn black sweatshirt and snuggled under the thick covers. His tortoiseshell glasses perched atop his nose, face bare of any make-up, and hair fluffy post-shower. Limbs slack at his sides, eyes trained on the LED as he scrolls endlessly, the light of the screen casting a faint glow on his face. 

 

Do Kyungsoo in his element is absolutely still, the air calm and cold around him. The older hated movement so much that if there was a chance to debut just as a voice, he would take it. Baekhyun used to joke around that half of Kyungsoo’s paycheck goes to bribing the choreographers into giving him extended standing around the sides, late entrances, and early exits. Jongin thought it was funny at the time, but looking back it might not have been so false. 

At the lack of response, Kyungsoo tore his eyes from his phone and looked to Jongin who stood rooted by the mirror with a dumb look on his face. He chuckles, acknowledging the fact that Jongin sometimes conks out of reality and resorts to dancing the hula in his head as a coping mechanism. 

 

“Come here,” Kyungsoo says as he pats the space next to him, smiling softly at the sight of Jongin blinking cutely out of his stupor. The dancer’s feet make soft thuds on the carpeted floor before slipping into his side of the bed. They sit in silence for a while before Kyungsoo takes the younger’s hand into his own, squeezing firmly as if to give a silent promise. 

 

“What...where did this come from?” 

 

“I’m just thinking about it, nothing’s set in stone yet.” 

 

Jongin takes it all in with a deep breath. He scoots over to Kyungsoo’s side, clutching around the older’s arm like a koala. “Talk to me, hyung” he breathes out, eyes closing. 

 

That night Kyungsoo talks about new acting offers, bigger contracts and bigger roles. He talks about how much fun he had playing a Joseon prince, and how he’d like to take that role to the big screen some day. He talks about all the wonderful people he’s met; Insung hyung, Kwangsoo hyung, Jungsuk hyung. All the tips and tricks they’ve shared to him about the industry, how much bigger it can get if he plays his cards right. 

 

But Jongin doesn’t hear any of it. 

 

All he hears is excitement in Kyungsoo’s voice. All the sounds melding into a rush of fireworks fueling every word he says. Jongin knew that if his eyes were open, he’d see him smiling brightly, eyes crinkling at the prospect of portraying someone interesting. He would not mind the sweat for once, he would not mind the heat. Being a part of something so beautiful is enough to dispel all his dissent towards the sun. Jongin feels him shake, a bubbling anticipation of what’s to come. 

 

Kyungsoo sounded happy. And that was all Jongin needed. 

 

-

 

Jongin sat with bated breath as Kyungsoo broke the news to the members. He looks around the circle they have made in the dorm living room as he schools his face into an expression of neutrality. Everyone looks shocked, as expected. Chanyeol thinks it’s a joke and laughs before asking what’s for dinner. Sehun laughs along with him but something in his face hints he doesn’t buy it. Junmyeon does the honors of clarifying, and Jongin thinks maybe they’re not so doomed when Minseok and Kyungsoo leaves. 

 

Kyungsoo tells them he’s talked to the higher ups about it, saying they were apprehensive at first but relented in the end. He reassures everyone that it’s not a decision made lightly, and that it won’t end up in a flurry of lawsuits. At this Yixing looks relieved, not in the mood to write another set of heart wrenching songs in honor of ex-members. While the rest of the members busy themselves asking about this and that, Jongin feels Jongdae stare at him from across the room, eyes uncharacteristically big in worry and lips downturned for once. Jongin shoots him a reassuring smile, but the latter’s frown only runs deeper. 

 

It’s the end of March now, and the company is scheduled to confirm Minseok’s enlistment date in two weeks. There’s a lot lined up for them in preparation for that; fansigns, fan events, goodbye stages. Jongin wonders how Kyungsoo will wiggle out of all of that when the time comes, knowing the older isn’t one for grand celebrations. He vaguely hears Kyungsoo explain the intricacies of his filming schedule when he comes back, Baekhyun all ears and Sehun looking like he’s on the verge of tears. 

 

Jongin’s eyes move over to Chanyeol, unmoving, still shell-shocked by the news. He knows the rapper was effectively Kyungsoo’s first friend in the group, a giant happy virus who decided to adopt a small unassuming soot sprite that poked him with chopsticks when he was being too loud. Chanyeol often went to Kyungsoo when he needs a level headed second opinion, or when Baekhyun is unavailable to be annoyed with stupid antics. Although Kyungsoo makes it seem like the giant was such a big bother, Jongin knows him well enough to be certain that Kyungsoo will miss Chanyeol immensely in the time he’ll be away. 

 

Jongin hears himself sigh. Kyungsoo will be gone for a year and a half. That’s eighteen months of waking up cold and alone on a bed too big for one person. He remembers when they both had separate twin beds on opposite sides of the room. After what seems like a lifetime of skirting around the fact they were head over heels for each other, they grew tired of cold nights and decided to rearrange the room to have both beds pressed together in the middle. A raise in paychecks saw an upgrade to a real queen sized bed soon after, but Jongin thinks he might have to switch back to less depressing sleeping conditions when Kyungsoo leaves. 

 

The dancer wonders how long it’ll take in those eighteen months for the band to finally get tired of take out and ramen for meals. How long will it take for their leader to lose his marbles without Kyungsoo reigning people in? How long will it take for his heart to break in the time he’s away? 

Jongin’s heart sinks at the thought of an EXO existing without Kyungsoo, at the thought of  _him_  existing without Kyungsoo. He entertains the thought of burning SM Entertainment down for allowing this to happen, or stomping up to the Armed Forces demanding to take Kyungsoo's name off the list, but one look at his singer’s face takes his breath away. 

 

Kyungsoo is glowing. 

 

He glows with the mirth of a man who has his whole life ahead of him. He smiles like a weight has been lifted off his shoulders, like his whole life has led to this moment. Kyungsoo looks to Jongin with a smile, eyes filled with wonder, twinkling as if sharing a secret from one seat over. _Here is my destination,_ Kyungsoo said the night he first told Jongin. And Jongin thinks, _here is my destination, too_. 

 

Wherever Kyungsoo was, his heart will follow. Jongin realized he’s waited a long time for the love of his life, and he doesn’t mind waiting some more. The only difference now is that he waits with everyone else. 

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for all the comments and kudos! i wrote this to cope with kyungsoo going away for a year and a half; my sentiments guised in the form of jongin's tenderness towards kyungsoo. i've been mulling over the complex concept of ~waiting~ for quite some time now, and thought that it would be a fitting prompt for not only kaisoo through the years, but also for us fans who will be doing a lot of waiting in the time he's away. i hope this piece has somehow eased the pain of separation for some. let's patiently wait for our singer and meet again in the future as people we are proud of. 사랑하자!


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